Now Listen To This.


15.12.09

Perubahan Ini Perubahan Yang Aku Mahukan

Subhanallah. Hari ini aku sekali lagi menjalankan aktiviti masa lapangku iaitu, blog hop. Niat dihati ingin mencari sesuatu namun hati kecil tertarik untuk meninjau satu link yang tertera setelah di google. Walaupun blogger itu bukanlah orang yang aku cari-cari selama ini, namun hatiku tersentuh membaca beberapa entry miliknya.


Kurang pasti mengenai information blogger tersebut tapi kalau tak silap, dia adalah pelajar DQ (Darul Quran). Pada mulanya aku agak terkejut apabila mendapat tahu bahawa dia adalah pelajar DQ sebab anggapanku pelajar DQ tidak meminati dunia blogging. Tanggapanku salah. Mereka lebih hebat. Kata-kata mereka lebih tinggi nilainya berbanding blogku yang hanya untuk luahan perasaan ini. Ya Allah. Kecil sungguh rasanya diri ini dibandingkan dengan mereka.

Hampir setiap entri mengandungi potongan hadis, ayat-ayat Al-Quran untuk dikongsikan bersama.

Namun entri yang cukup menarik minatku ialah entri dimana saudara itu menasihati seorang dari juniornya untuk tidak terjebak dalam dunia couple, untuk belajar menjadi insan yang berguna dan menegakkan Islam agar tidak ditindas. Kalau awak semua free, jenguklah blog saudara itu. Ini entri kegemaran saya, Nak Kapel Dengan Adik Abang Boleh? dan Bila Takbir Menusuk Hati.

Tersentuh hati membacanya. Terus teringat pesanan Dato' Siti Nor Bahiyah semasa ceramahnya di UIA Nilai beberapa minggu lepas mengenai cinta remaja yang kekal hingga ke Jannatul Firdaus. Antara pesanan-pesanan beliau ialah,

1. Cintalah kerana Allah dan bukan kerana nafsu.
2. Elakkan 4P:
-Elak pandang lebih-lebih (Lower your gaze, people). Orang lelaki kalau nak bercakap dengan orang perempuan, pandanglah ke cuping telinganya.
-Elakkan berpegangan dengan mana-mana orang bukan muhrim.
-Peluk
-Penzinaan. Jangan kamu hampiri zina.
3. Jangan bina rumah tangga suatu hari nanti dengan menghancurkan hati orang lain.
4. Pastikan cinta/perkahwinan mendapat keredaan ibu bapa.

Siapa yang ada masa ceramah malam tu mesti rasa best kan? Sumpah weh, aku balik tu terus rasa nak cari siapa jodoh dari syurga aku. Hehe tapi aku tau. Kita semua tau, jodoh pertemuan ditangan Tuhan. Tak perlu mencari. Dia pasti datang.

Membaca blog saudara itu membuat hati jadi tak menentu. Ye, saudara itu benar, jijik melihat dosa sendiri, sedih membayangkan siapalah aku di pandangan ahli langit. Ya Allah, masihkah punya waktu untuk bertaubat? Masihkah Kau buka pintu itu untuk diriku?

Aku juga pernah berbuat dosa. Bukan pernah, tapi masih. Aku manusia lemah yang sering dihasut oleh godaan dan kata-kata manis syaitan. Tapi itu bukanlah alasan untuk aku tidak bangun semula, bertaubat memohon ampun.

Ramai jugak yang pelik tengok perubahan aku beberapa bulan ni. Bukan aku ingin katakan aku hebat. Tidak. Bukan juga ingin aku sampaikan bahawa aku baik. Tidak. Cuma aku sedang mencari jalan untuk betulkan hidupku. Tidak pernah aku berbangga diri dengan perubahan itu. Jangan silap tafsirkannya. Aku hanya mahu berkongsi. Mind you, blog is the place for me to share everything because blog is my faithful best friend.

Sedikit demi sedikit minatku terhadap lelaki berubah. Kalau sebelum ini aku cenderung memilih lelaki kacak bergaya, hebat dipandangan semua perempuan, kali ini aku lebih kepada mereka yang beriman. Ya Allah, engkau saja yang tau betapa mudah hatiku tersentuh sekarang ini. Betapa cepat perasaanku terharu melihat lelaki-lelaki beriman itu beribadah kepadamu. Betapa mudah airmata ini mengalir mengingati kebesaranMu. Entahlah. Jangan tanya mengapa. Sebab aku sendiri tak punya jawapannya. Aku sendiri pelik melihat perubahan dalam diriku. Dan aku berharap agar perubahan kali ini benar-benar berkekalan. Insya-Allah.

Mungkin ada hikmah disebalik semua ini.
Subhanallah.

Persoalan: Kenapa Manusia Banyak Cakap?


Ada kenal mana-mana makhluk Allah dalam dunia ni yang banyak cakap selain manusia? Kalau ada, kenalkan dengan I, boleh tak?

Manusia memang terkenal dengan kelebihan bercakap. Tak, semua makhluk pun bercakap. Tapi kelebihan manusia ialah, banyak cakap. Kenal mana-mana manusia yang banyak cakap? Tak perlu bersusah payah mencari, I sendiri banyak cakap. I tak menafikannya. Bukan seorang dua yang bagitau I bahawa I ni banyak cakap, tapi ramai.

Dah biasa sangat dengar orang cakap,
"Eh, kau ni banyak cakap jugakkan? Cakap tak berhenti"

atau

"Kalau dengan Fika tu, tak payah risaulah takde topik nak cakap sebab dia ada je idea nak cakap pasal apa"

atau mungkin juga

"Fika, you ni kuat membebellah. Macam mak nenek"

Ye, Afiq, terima kasih sebab panggil I mak nenek. -.-"
Apa yang cuba I sampaikan disini ialah, setiap manusia punya cara tersendiri. Kalau orang tu pendiam, korang bising cakap dia pendiam sangat sampai korang kekok tak reti nak cakap apa. Kalau orang tu banyak cakap, korang bising cakap dia terlalu banyak cakap sampai korang rimas. Mana satu ni? Tak tetap pendirian!

I mengaku yang I jugak kadang-kadang bukannya suka sangat kalau ada orang yang terlebih banyak bercakap. Rimas, kan? I faham. Tapi apa boleh buat? Mulut orang kita tak boleh nak tutup. Lagipun, terima jela diri mereka seadanya sebab belum tentu mereka boleh terima diri kita. Haa, dah macam kaunselor sekolah pulak dah aku nak nasihat orang.

Tapi kalau fikir-fikir balik, mereka yang banyak cakap ni lah yang selalunya mewarnai kehidupan awak semua. (in other words, puji diri sendiri.hehe) Baik korang mengaku. Kan kan? Cuba bayangkan hidup korang senyap sunyi. Takde siapa nak bercakap dengan korang, takde siapa nak mengusik korang, takde siapa nak bercerita tentang cerita lawak kepada korang. Best ke hidup macam tu? Tak. Tak mungkin best.

Disebabkan wujudnya manusia banyak cakap dalam hidup kita, kita jadi lebih selesa untuk berkongsi cerita, lebih mudah untuk berkomunikasi dengan orang dan kita jugak boleh merapatkan hubungan sesama manusia. Tak, I bukan bercakap tentang diri I. Umum ye?

Orang banyak cakap ni banyak jugak kelebihannya. It depends on the content of his or her speech. Contohnya, bila korang nak mintak lecturer postpone class, korang mesti akan suruh orang yang banyak cakap tu yang berkomunikasi dengan lecturer tersebut, kan? Ataupun bila korang melakukan sesuatu tugasan, mesti korang nak si banyak cakap tu jugak yang berurusan dengan pihak-pihak tertentu untuk mendapatkan pengesahan dan sebagainya. Betul kan? Memang terbukti orang yang banyak cakap ni selalunya suka bergosip. Macam Mak Timah yang duduk dekat Kampung Durian tu, kerjanya bergosip tak berhenti. Tapi tak semua orang banyak cakap ni ratu gosip. Terpulang kepada minat masing-masing.

Sikap ramah dalam diri mereka tak dapat dinafikan lagi. Memang terlebih ramah sampai pakcik sapu sampah tepi jalan tu pun dia nak bersembang siap tanya kampung dekat mana lagi. Bersembang seolah-olah dah lama kenal. Tu antara satu kelebihan orang yang banyak bercakap. Dia boleh membuat orang lain berasa selesa semasa bersembang tanpa menyedari bahawa mereka sebenarnya baru berkenalan. Orang lain mudah berasa selesa dengan mereka.

Kerana sikap banyak cakap dan ramah dia tadi, maka timbullah pula satu lagi kelebihan. Kelebihan di mana dia akan selalu menjadi tempat untuk diluahkan segala masalah kerana walaupun mereka banyak cakap, mereka adalah seorang penyimpan rahsia yang sangat hebat. Percayalah. Dan disebabkan terlalu banyak bercakap, mereka juga banyak berkomunikasi dengan mereka yang lebih berpengalaman maka mereka akan dengan mudahnya memberi nasihat dan kata-kata semangat.

Jadi, terimalah mereka yang banyak cakap itu sama seperti anda menerima mereka yang lain. Dan jangan lah sesekali anda menyuruh mereka berdiam sebab memang pastilah permintaan anda itu tidak akan dilayan. Hehe
Percayalah, bila si banyak cakap itu hilang dari hidup awak, awak pasti akan merinduinya. Terlalu merinduinya. :)

Never Say Goodbye

I watched this movie last night. Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna. Yes, thanks to B222 for introducing such movie to me. Hindustan? Soo not my type. But again, thanks to B222 sebab berjaya buat I layan hindustan jugak akhirnya. Tsk. Terharu :')

Well basically, cerita ni mengisahkan tentang dua pasangan suami isteri, Dev dan Rhea serta Rishi dan Maya. Rumah tangga yang telah lama mereka bina akhirnya runtuh apabila Dev dan Maya yang sering merasa kekosongan akhirnya jatuh cinta pada satu sama lain. Akibat kesibukan hidup, Rhea dan Rishi tidak menyedari tentang hakikat kecurangan pasangan masing-masing. Akhirnya, kedua-dua perkahwinan itu terhenti di separuh jalan. Namun begitu, Dev dan Maya tidak mengetahui langsung mengenai keruntuhan perkahwinan satu sama lain. Maya membawa diri ke Philadelphia manakala Dev masih di New York dan meneruskan hidup sebagai football coach. 3 tahun kemudian, Rhea bertemu Maya di majlis perkahwinan Rishi dan menceritakan kebenaran bahawa perkahwinan antara Rhea dan Dev telah lama hancur. Di sini lah pertemuan kembali antara Dev dan Maya yang selama ini memendam perasaan dan bersembunyi disebalik rasa sayang untuk satu sama lain. Maka pada hari itu, tercetuslah kembali ikatan kasih sayang yang pernah terjalin antara Maya dan Dev dan mereka akhirnya berkahwin.

Wtf. Kenapa perlu I elaborate cerita ni panjang lebar? Haha blame B222 for it! :D
And yes, I sat up the whole night crying because this movie reminds me of Hasif. Yes, I don't know why but I kind of miss him. Maybe because of the fact that we've shared a lot of memories together. And the fact that today should be our years anniversary. Yeah yeah whatever. Move on, Fika, move on!

On top of everything, I would like to thank my beloved dormies for this movie. I didn't regret watching it because yes, it is a nice movie. And to Wanda, Raffia, Wahida, (sesiapa yang terlibat) 'thanks' sebab buat aku percaya cerita ni series and mengambil masa beberapa hari untuk menghabiskannya. Siot doh korang! Aku yang lurus bendul ni pun nak tipu. Cuba la tipu mereka-mereka yang tak lurus bendul macam aku. Ishh. :P

(tibe-tibe terasa nak buat ucapan untuk semua orang) haha I better stop now or else, meleret panjang la ucapan nanti :D

For those who haven't watched it, you better spare your time for it. It's worth to watch.

"Never say goodbye because goodbye kills the hope of meeting again. And we might meet again one day."



Ps: Maafkan penggunaan Bahasa Melayu saya yang berterabur.
*Wanda, tengok, aku dah jadi jiwang dah lepas layan cerita ni. Haha nasib takde boyfriend. Kalau tak, confirm berjiwang-jiwangan dah semalam. :P

Happy Birthday Angah!

Mohd Izwan Azir b. Mohd Salleh.

Dah tua! Hehe Happy birthday Angah! May Allah bless you and hope that all your wishes will be granted. Thanks for everything. You know what Angah, people always look at me as if I wanted to follow your foot steps and as if I am worshipping you but they are wrong. We are different. We didn't share anything in common. Not even our favourite foods.

Whatever it is, you are still my brother and as a sister, I respect you in whatever way a person should be respected. And oh, I heard that you managed to get a Dean List for your final exams in Master. Congrats!

Last but not least, bila nak kahwin? Haiyoo. Kahwin la cepat-cepat. Hehe
Enjoy your birthday!

14.12.09

Keep It Closed At All Times


This entry is specially for Kak Meen, Wanda, Wahida, Abby, B222 and all the people out there who has been asking me the same question over and over again and for those who wants to know the story.


I've made a decision and I am going to stick with it.

This time, I'll keep my heart closed.

I've had enough. Second semester has been tough on me. So tough, to be exact. In all sorts of things. So, I think it's best for me to let go of everything and to start a new life. I've been hurt so many times. That's it. Been there before, ain't going no more.

I keep this gate of my heart closed so that I won't get hurt again, by you-know-who. Yes, both of them. And yes, I give up.

I received so many news in this couple of weeks. About them. I didn't expect that. I don't want things to turn out to be this way. Seriously, I hate this part right here. But I hope I am strong enough to make a decision for myself. Sorry boys, but I don't need any more pressure from you. Sorry for the decision I made. I can't lie to myself about what I feel and you have to accept the fact that we are only friends. Only friends.

Afiq once asked me,
"Why? Are you going to feel awkward if you bump into him?"

Yes, I will. But, I'll pretend to be good. You are the one who told me that I'm a good pretender, right?
And, what's the point of me feeling awkward? It's not that I am having feeling towards him. It's vice versa. So, he's the one who should feel awkward. Not me. I guess that answers your question. :)

Oh ya, what about the IRK student? I'm still waiting for it, Afiq. Whose that guy? I want to know because he keeps on disturb me. And I guess, it's my human rights to know who he is.

So people, at the moment, I am not having any feelings towards anyone. Someone broke my heart twice with his statement and though I accept it with laughter, my heart breaks into pieces. And this is the consequences of his words. Never trust me when I say I'm ok because there's always a little pain behind it.

Anyway, someone once told me that life is unfair but if we wait, everything will be just fine.
If God wills it.
Just wait.
;)

12.12.09

I'm Back, People!

Seriously, I miss blogging. OMG! There are just too many things that I want to blog about. But before that, I am currently in Mersing, Johor. Hello, Johor people. Oh ya, it's the midsem break people. So, lets hangout, friends. ;)

I was away for two weeks time and there were a lot of things happened.

First thing first, I bought myself a new spectacle. Yay for that! I like it!
See? I am a geek now. :D

And oh, did I mention that I was having a LeadTrain Program on last weekend? A program that is compulsory for all first year students. Haihh, it was damn bored. But but, there was this one committee who are so cute that he caught my eyes all the time. Later then I found out that he is actually Afiq's dorm mate. Haha what a small world. But, I didn't have a crush on him or whatsoever. I just love looking at his face because he has this cute-looking-chinese-face :D

Dah macam berkabung pulak dua-dua pakai serba hitam. Hehe
Ain, Fika, Sophie and Shafiqa.

These people up here made me happy in this two weeks time. We went to Iceroom one night for dinner and for our group discussion.
Rush and Faruq. The bodyguards of mine. (ecehh perasan :P)
SUMPAH SEDAH GILE!! Mango Tango!
Haa, that's me! Together with Afiq and Pchort. Yes, that's Afiq aka my PhuaChuKang. Haha taknak dah panggil you Nora sebab dah ramai sangat panggil Nora padahal sem lepas I sorang je panggil you Nora, kan? So, this is your new name, PhuaChuKang. I give you the name since you want to call me Pikachu. And yes, kalau ramai lagi yang panggil you PhuaChuKang lepas ni, I akan tukar lagi nama you. Haha oh ya, he's my new BFF here in Nilai. ;)

Overall, my two weeks time was great! Thanks people. Thanks a lot.
I really had fun.
Love ya!
;)

1.12.09

Will Be Back Soon

...I'm so busy right now. With all the classes, exams and assignments. I'll be gone for 2 weeks. Ok, people? Haha keep reading my blog. I promise I will update any info as soon as possible. Love ya! ;)

30.11.09

I Cry Again Tonight And Say, Go Away


I remember date and time. Very clearly. It has been a month now. A lot of changes. A little bit here and there. I've moved on. And I can say that you've moved on too. But, we're still friends.


You called me just now. I was speechless. I didn't talk much because you sounded a little different. I don't know. You told me that you're still sad about what happened. To tell you the truth, I felt the same way too. But, we need to move forward. Because I don't want to live in the past and I don't even want to stay where I am now. It's hard. I know. But at least, we both know that it's the best.

A lot of things happened in a month without you. So many tears to shed, so many smiles to get. Someone once asked me, 'Do you ever feel lonely without him?' and I answered, 'Sometimes, yes.'

I asked you, what do you feel now? You didn't answer my question at all. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. It's just that, I couldn't lie to myself. I don't want to pretend to be good while deep inside, I'm hurt. I've had enough. This heart of mine had been tortured for quite a while not only by you,but by those people around me. You know that. You know me well enough, am I right?

It is not easy to make the decision we made. I know. After almost 4 years we've been together for the ups and downs, now we have to let go of each other. No more midnight calls, no more wakeup calls, no more fighting, no more everything. I hope that you are happy with your life now. Because honestly, I feel better off this way. Yeah, go ahead and tell me I'm so cruel. But this is what I feel now. I feel free. Now I can really focus on my studies. I don't have anything to worry about. But I can't run away from the fact that I need you sometimes. Whenever I'm down or when I feel like the whole world is against me, you will always be that one person who will give me supports and tell me that everything will be just fine. And that is why I still need you here with me, as a friend. A friend that knows everything about me.

To the people out there who know nothing about this, go ahead and blame me. I don't give a damn. Because my best friend once told me that, 'They don't know the real story. You are the one who had been through everything. Don't care about what people say about you' and she's right.

Thanks a lot for everything that you did to me in this 4 years time. The goods and bads. I forgive you for all the mistakes that you've done and I hope you'll do the same thing too. I'm sorry.

Maybe one day we will both turn back and fix it. If God wills it.

28.11.09

Ape Nickname Awak Semua?

Ya'll ade tak nickname? Mesti ade kan? Alaa, kalau bukan kawan-kawan yang panggil pun, mesti ade nama special yang family panggil. Betul tak? Hehe


Tibe-tibe I teringat dekat nickname I dulu-dulu. Banyak! Mase kecik-kecik, biase nye orang panggil Ikah je. Haha alaa mase tu kan kecik lagi, mane la tau nak gune name glamour sikit. Tapi sampai sekarang, Ikah tu sedara-mara je yang still gune. Kawan-kawan memang tak pernah la panggil Ikah. Memang I tak bagi. Ade yang kene tempelang jugak nanti. Haha sebab for me, macam tak sedap je panggil Ikah. With the 'H' there. Serious weh, macam ape je. So dari kecik kawan-kawan lebih cenderung memanggil I dengan nama, Pika. Entah kenape. Pengaruh Pikachu mungkin.

Masuk sekolah menengah, ejaan nama terus ditukar. Dari Ika kepada Eika. Ye, I tau. Kegedikkan terserlah disitu. Haha abaikan. Tapi tak lama. Lepas tu I mule gune nama-nama yang lebih gedik seperti, Eryqa, MOD(master of disaster), Fie, Fisya, Syasya, dan banyak lagi. Paling tak boleh blah, MOD tu! Haha kalau ingat balik, rase merapu gile. Lepas tengok satu cerita pasal hackers, terus ambik nickname sorang hacker tu untuk jadi nickname sendiri. Memang tak boleh blah. :P
Mase form 4, I start tukar lagi name I. From Eika to Fika. Kali ni, I betul-betul akan gune name tu sampai bile-bile. Sebab I rase name tu paling sesuai dengan I.

Tu antare name yang I cipta sendiri. Tapi name yang orang bagi pun banyak jugak. Contoh, mase sekolah rendah orang panggil I tiang lampu. Sebab I tergolong dalam golongan yang kurus and tinggi. Kalau ambik gambar untuk kelas, mesti kene berdiri dekat belakang and tak boleh duduk atas kerusi sebab I tinggi. Yang depan tu untuk budak-budak pendek je. Sedih betul. -.-'

Tapi sekarang end up, I tergolong dalam golongan yang pendek. Sigh.

Ade jugak name yang kawan-kawan bagi seperti, Joy. Joy merupakan singkatan untuk cik joyah. Sebab I kan jenis banyak cakap. Cakap memang tak reti nak stop. Haha so, untuk lebih glamour, diorang panggil I, Joy. Even sampai sekarang, masih ade yang panggil I Joy. Haha oh ya, ade jugak ade yang suke panggil I, Pikachu. Sampai dekat UIA ni pun masih ade yang panggil I, Pikachu. Taktau kenape.

Family I macam biase jela panggil I, Ika. Mama kadang-kadang panggil Sayang or Ayang. Alaa, I'm the youngest. What do you expect. Hehe and no, they don't call me Adik. Never. Sebab abang I yang number 3 tu semua orang dah panggil dia adik, so I yang memang adik ni memang tak boleh dah la nak panggil adik. Hehe

Well, tu semue nickname I. Nickname you?

Thanks, Gay Partner

So today I went out with this amoi up here, Dira. Haha I don't know why but I prefer to call you Dira here rather than Nut. I was so damn bored then I asked her if she wants to go out with me because I wanted to do shopping. I picked her up at her house and we went straight to JBT. Oh wait! For almost 6 months we didn't get the chance to meet each other. And of course I miss this little gay partner of mine. Hehe well, since there were a lot of people there in JBT, I ended up buying nothing. Haihh. Nak keluarkan duit dekat ATM pun kene beratur panjang gile so, lupekan jela hasrat nak shopping tu. Huhu


I bumped into Ayied which is Ayu's little brother while walking in the JBT. OMG! He is damn tall now. Haha we talked for a while there. He even salam me and cium tangan weh. Baik kan?? Haha Because he is just a year younger than me but still, the respect is still there. I am so proud of you, brother. Yeah, we grow up together even since we were in kindergarten. And I am her sister's best friend so that makes us close. Aww! Now I miss the times when we were kids and we used to do lots of silly things together. :')

I was so hungry so Dira and I decided to go to McD. As what Dira said, "Kau kalau keluar dengan aku je mesti kau lapar kan, Pika?" Haha yes. I'm always hungry. And yeah, thanks a lot to the people there yang nampak nye begitu lapar sampai McD pun penuh. So, dengan hampa nye kitorang beredar. Wanted to eat Tako and again, thanks to the people there yang tibe-tibe ramai gile nak beli Tako. -.-"

So we went out. We decided to go to McD drive thru. The place where I used to work before. Haha I miss it! Damn! As we entered the McD, I heard some of the staff were shouting, "CIO!" Haha it's our secret code. We'll use that code when we see something that we like. Oh, how I miss working with those crazy people. I saw Kak Faridah, Faris and Peanut! Hey, I miss you guys like damnfcking much! Faris couldn't take his eyes off me. Haha maybe because we haven't met for quite a long time. I wanted to have a little more conversation with them but I know that I couldn't. Bos was there. Haha

So there, Dira and I shared a lot of stories about both of us. We have a lot in common. That is why we declared ourselves as gay partner. Because we understand each other. Haha *ayat nak mintak penyepak Dira :P

She managed to make me laugh out loud sampai merah muke. Haihh. She never fail to do that. Hehe ni yang sayang awak lebih ni! Now I really miss our times together back there in high school. A life with her is never dull. Thanks a lot babe. We'll meet again one day ok? Before you go back to Penang, of course.

Ps: Mesti la 'A' saye kan? Takkan 'A' awak plak kan? Haha eh, lupe! Awak pun ade 'A' awak sendiri la Nut. APE NI?? KENAPE MESTI SAMA LAGI?? haha ok, terbukti kite ade jodoh. Since jodoh awak dengan si gebu tu dah takde sebab cincin tu dah hilang, saye la pengganti. Hahaha *sile sepak aku sekarang, Nut. :P

 
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